he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize