come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
