its not stalking. its research.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
