Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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