Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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