Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She bit a glass in half.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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