nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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