So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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