Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize