my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
