Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
In America we eat man semen.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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