No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Come see our sink grown plant.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
