i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
