the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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