where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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