That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
