Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
my poor anus
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
