I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
