we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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