We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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