youre lurking in front of me
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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