never play flip cup with pint glasses
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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