so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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