Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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