$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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