What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
