I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
