apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
