I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
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