I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
