I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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