I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
