dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
