dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
