OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You have to summon your inner elephant
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
