cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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