Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
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