New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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