TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
