...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
