Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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