at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
