Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
