She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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