Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize