I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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