He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
this will be a night to untag.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
