I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
