Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i already hear my dad disowning me
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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