So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
