In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
