1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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