fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
