1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
