She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
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