Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
