I've blown a few things in my day
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
