and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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