i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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