I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
