He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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