If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
