i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
