New low: just hacked my moms facebook
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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