super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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