I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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