Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
