so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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