did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
