You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Randomize
