I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
