Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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