I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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