I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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