you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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