I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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