so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
