i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Randomize
